The Dementia Caregiver's Toolbox

National Alzheimer's Project Office Created

With all the budget cuts we are always hearing about, this news was a welcomed relief for the dementia community.  Two US Senators, Republician Senator Mel Martinez of Florida and Democratic Senator Evan Bayh of Indiana have introduced a proposal that would create "...a collaborated system for researching, treating and eliminating Alzheimer's disease". 

The project would be called "The Office of the National Alzhiemer's Project" and would be within the White House.  The Office will have an appointed Director who will generate a coordinated, strategic plan for all the Americans with Alzheimer's disease and thos at risk for developing it.  The Alzheimer's Association in the US has fully supported the project.

There is no link at the moment for further info.  As news on the project develops, we will keep you informed.

Dementia Caregiving: When A Loved One Is NOT Loved

I had a recent email from a reader who asked a critical question that I have heard before:  How do you care for someone with dementia when they are not a "loved one"?  Isn't caregiving hard enough even when the person IS loved?

We take for granted that we are thrown into dementia caregiving situations by our roles and relationships:  a husband who cares for his loving wife of 45 years or an only child who brings her mom to live with her, without reservation.  Yet a minority of the many dementia caregivers out there are caring for those with dementia who wouldn't fall into the category of even "liked one", let alone "loved one".  These are persons who now have dementia who may have been abusive parents, unfaithful husbands or in general, led a life that made people run from them, not care for them.

But through circumstances of guilt, loyalty, family ties or a variety of other reasons, some caregivers struggle with a dual task of performing dementia caregiving while battling their own strong feelings of distaste for the very person they are helping.

Great solutions to this dilemna do not really exist but here are a few tips for dementia caregiver's of "unloved ones":

1. Analyze your reasons for being there:  did you once love her and feel you owe her?  do you feel guilty because he is your older brother?  Or do you simply think:  who else will do this?
2. Get maximum direct caregiving support.  You will feel better and so will the person with dementia (who can "read" your moods well) if you leave the direct caregiving to others, even if you have to pay for it.  Getting yourself and the person you care for unhooked from the chain of abuse and hurtfulness should be a primary goal.
3. Keep your own life flowly.  Get counseling for yourself, join a support group and find your own ways to relax and recharge.  Don't let your own life slip a way during this time and keep planning for your exit strategy:  other caregivers or family to help, a facility placement if appropriate or other ways to get your life back while still ensuring that the person with dementia is okay.

What other tips can you share with those who suffer silently with this issue?  Bringing up old hurts can make a person feel vulnerable so many of us may not have even heard of this situation but trust me, it is real.  Your thoughts may help someone today, including the reader who emailed me.